inspired insanity

7:17am: HAPPY THANKSGIVING
have a a lovely and safe day.!
i am ever so thankful for so much.**

getting ready for work...

12:25am: saying goodbye to the 40's
i turn 50 tomorrow

12:24am: it's been awhile and hope your all well
i have a ovarian cyst that is growing, and having surgery on tuesday.
went to E.R over the wkend with alot of pain, and found out after tests that i have a ulcer and a kidney stone...

*sigh*

turning 50 next month and hope life calms the hell down..

i have lost 183 pounds though...woo hoo.!!

11:24pm: priceless
# 4 with the packers

#4 with the jets

#4 with the VIKINGS


this is going to be fun.!

1:17am: watch til the end..crazy fun and different.st paul, mn wedding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

11:37pm: trying times
indeed

trying to hang on

12:59am: yep still here
i want you to feel better and stronger and feel loved and wanted and needed

i am here
fricken believe it

numbers
369
194
25
49
29
5


i still have myspace
my sister jo might be getting her music on there with steve gores...
pretty damn cool


poetry in motion

12:49am: new and old adventures
what will or won't happen
who the hell knows

" i love you "
????????????????

who is she and why is she saying that.?

arg-g-g
i hate JEALOUSY

you need therapy
well, so do i

i need to vent more

you were out tonight
i was out tonight
we were both busy
not just me

yes, i know theres alot going on
way to much
the summer will be busy and fly on by

hoping to see you, if you want to see me

i am tired and have to get up and cut fruit with barb...
dr appt at noon that i should just canc..


off for 3 days and nothing but plans
graduation and friends and family

next week and wkend is work and friends and family
working alot of overtime because work is requesting it because of everything going digital

i might have got that loan kari...find out on monday

everything will be ok

12:31pm: happy may
busy wkend ahead....
mom and friends

hope ya'll have a good one and
let's all just have fun.!

april showers being may flowers.
woo hoo.!!!

11:43am: happy new year 2009
"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them"

Bruce Lee

11:40pm: happy new years eve...2008
“Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true”

1:37am: merry christmas
Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home! ~Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

12:33pm: winter wonderland in minnesota
Old paint on canvas – as it ages – sometimes becomes transparent. When that happens, it is possible, in some pictures, to see the original lines: a tree will show through a woman's dress, a child makes way for a dog, a large boat is no longer on open sea. That is called pentimento because the painter 'repented,' changed his mind. Perhaps it would be as well to say that the old conception, replaced by a later choice, is a way of seeing and then seeing again.

11:49am: i've missed being here
i hope everyone is well.

i will be around more

11:46am: happy thanksgiving everyone....
thanksgiving day


I AM THANKFUL FOR :

the little things

my family and my friends

my dear 86 year old mom

for the every day thoughts of my father and grandparents

my apt

having a job

my consolidated loan

my car

my WLS

the older generation

for god

for food and warmth and safety

for laughter and for tears

for hugs and kisses

for lower gas prices

for you and for me

for all the critters

for life and freedom

for the troops fighting for our freedom

for our new democratic president

HOPE

12:14am: softball
i am going to try out for my work softball teams...there will be 8 teams all together...june,july,august....saturdays and sundays....
i am excited and this would be a FIRST FOR ME.!

i have fridays and saturdays off, and if i do get picked for one of the teams,
i would have to work something out for sundays.

i do have arthritis and a brusied right knee, but hopefully by june that will be feeling even better...guess we'll see....

this sounds like FUN to me.!

10:30pm: the little things
the little things


i am tired and achey tonight and going to bed in about 1/2......i went to my chiro appt this am and did some resistance training and some floor exercises...i weighed in and i now weigh 277....yay.!

gas prices SUCK.!

went over to my moms and spent the day with her...she’s sick with a bad cold and upset stomach....made her toast and soup and helped her take a bath and laid with her awhile......while she slept for awhile i ran to the bank and to target...i believe the worst is over and she should start to feeling better soon....i watched the movie " witness " which i had not seen in awhile...i got home tonight around 9p....

i am seeing kari on april 19th / 20th......we are going to the lori line concert in crookston and she asked me to come....it will be a short visit but well worth it.!..it will be nice to see her and some of her family.!.....eat at " happy joes " and drive in to grandforks and around her town.....take pictures of course...go to church on sunday morning.........looking forward to the drive there....it’s been awhile and excited.!...of course won’t be excited about the drive back, because she won’t be next to me but....ya know, i am a sap.!!!!.....LOL

hey it rained today and alittle hail.....guess it’s suppose to be wet all wkend...hoping for alittle thunder.!.....*smile*

goodnight

6:22am: taking care
of me, needs to be first and foremost and everything that i want in my life will hopefully follow.!....i can’t expect to get everything that i want in life without taking care of me first.....physically and mentally.....i feel sometimes that i can’t, but i have to get the attitude that, i can.!....i am going to be 49 this year and i feel drained.......non lasting relationships can take a toll on your self esteem and spirit.!.....being overweight since grade school and how mean people are and the way the world is, can take a toll on your self esteem and spirit.!......i am moving forward, slowly but surely and will hopefully fuel, my self esteem and spirit.!

a friend co-worker ( shelllina ) today told me i looked happier since i have started this weight loss journey, and i told her i am but i still have so much going on in my heart and soul....she just looked at me, and said i was doing great.!........whats it going to take to make me whole.?

not sure i am making any sense.!

6:09am: 2008 MINNESOTA TWINS, baseball opener
tonight
and me and my sister barb are going.!!!

yeah.....and i found my TWINS t-shirt.....yay.!!!

11:14pm: whatever
words said...are they just words with no meaning or thought or purpose or consequence.!.....it’s so easy to say this and say that,,...,,i mean what i say..!!

txt messages and emails and livejournal and myspace and yahoo and facebook,etc....it’s mind boggling.....i want " snail mail " and basically i want the " good old days "......i need a meaningful REAL hug.!....don’t get me wrong, i know these are the ways of the world right now, and it’s better then nothing and i don’t want communication here to stop, but i want the " good old days "...lol...

yeah, i am thinking too much before bed here.....goodnight all.!.....sorry if i get alittle " deep " here at times.....

11:13pm: yep
yep


went to hastings, mn with my friend crystal today and had a nice time looking in antique stores...the only thing that bothers me is that i have wasted so much money on CRAP.!!!....there is so many interesting old and cool pieces of furniture that i would love to buy and i can’t because can’t afford..its really irritating me, but of course theres not a damn thing i can do about it now, except lesssons learned.!!!.....it was a really nice day, but evidently that is going to change late tonight....we ate lunch at alittle cafe, and we both had the hot turkey sandwich plate....yum.!......had a fun time with her kitties at her house...so sweet they are....i am going to have her help me arrange and decorate when i move in september....she’s got an eye for seeing things in a neat way....

i am home now and on here and bored and i have SO MUCH to do, and no ambition...i need to just get out the large garbage bags......years and years ago i should have listened to my dad when it comes to saving and buying and clutter, etc...he was a wise man, and i miss him.!!!!!

i want everything i own to fit in my car,so i can just pack up and leave whenever with no hassle....LOL......

alrighty then, time to take the bra off....hehe

11:50pm: that one true love
is she out there

will we find each other

wanting that kiss and that touch and that look

that magic feeling,thought,desire,craving,itch,laughter,tears

sacrifice,trust, committment, lust, LOVE

i want it tonight....lol

my heart and soul and body is aching

batteries not included please

babbling

12:26am: body image
Girls are indoctrinated at a very young age that Barbie is how a woman is supposed to look (i.e. no fat anywhere on your body, but huge breasts). NOTE: If Barbie were life-size, she would stand 5’9” and weigh 110 lb. (only 76% of what is considered a healthy weight for her height). Her measurements would be 39-18-33, and she would not menstruate due to inadequate levels of fat on her body. Similarly, boys are given the impression that men naturally have muscles bulging all over their bodies. Take a look at their plastic action-figures (like GI Joe Extreme) in toy stores. If GI Joe Extreme were life-size, he would have a 55-inch chest and a 27-inch bicep. In other words, his bicep would be almost as big as his waist and bigger than most competitive body builders’. These body ideals are reinforced every day on TV shows, movies, magazine covers, and even video games.

6:41am: all i want.....joni mitchell
I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Traveling, traveling, traveling
Looking for something, what can it be
Oh I hate you some, I hate you some
I love you some
Oh I love you when I forget about me
I want to be strong I want to laugh along
I want to belong to the living
Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive
I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive
Do you want - do you want - do you want
To dance with me baby
Do you want to take a chance
On maybe finding some sweet romance with me baby
Well, come on

All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you too
All I really really want our love to do
Is to bring out the best in me and in you
I want to talk to you, I want to shampoo you
I want to renew you again and again
Applause, applause - life is our cause
When I think of your kisses
My mind see-saws
Do you see - do you see - do you see
How you hurt me baby
So I hurt you too
Then we both get so blue

I am on a lonely road and I am traveling
Looking for the key to set me free
Oh the jealousy, the greed is the unraveling
It's the unraveling
And it undoes all the joy that could be
I want to have fun, I want to shine like the sun
I want to be the one that you want to see
I want to knit you a sweater
Want to write you a love letter
I want to make you feel better
I want to make you feel free
Hmm, Hmm, Hmm, Hmm,
Want to make you feel free
I want to make you feel free

7:50pm: acceptance
" We are willing to accept lies if they make our lives easier. "